why am I so stubborn and how do I know if it is a problem?

Whether stubbornness is a problem depends entirely on which kind you have. The Big Five does not measure stubbornness directly because it is not a single trait - it is a behavioral outcome produced by at least four different personality mechanisms. Conviction stubbornness comes from low Cooperation combined with high Intellect and Achievement Striving: you have thought through your position carefully and you do not back down from social pressure. This looks like stubbornness from outside but feels like integrity from inside, and it is often correct. Routine stubbornness comes from low Adventurousness and high Orderliness: resistance to change not because the alternative is wrong but because the familiar is comfortable. Emotional stubbornness comes from high Anger, low Cooperation, and low Trust: positions harden because changing feels like losing. The first type is often a strength. The second is a tradeoff. The third is the one most likely to cause relationship damage.

what personality traits make someone stubborn?

Stubbornness maps onto several distinct facet combinations in the Big Five. Low Cooperation (Agreeableness facet A4) is the most consistent contributor - it represents resistance to social pressure and unwillingness to defer, which underlies most forms of stubbornness. High Deliberation (Conscientiousness) adds thoroughness that makes it harder to abandon a well-considered position. Low Adventurousness (Openness) produces preference for the familiar over the new. High Anger/Hostility (Neuroticism) makes positions emotional and therefore harder to revise without losing face. Low Trust (Agreeableness) adds suspicion about others motivations, which makes their arguments feel like manipulation rather than information. The specific combination determines what kind of stubborn you are and whether the pattern is serving you. Someone low in Cooperation and high in Intellect tends to hold positions for different reasons than someone high in Anger and low in Trust.

what is the difference between stubbornness and having strong principles?

The behavioral difference is small. The internal mechanism is significant. Principled resistance to change comes from having evaluated the alternatives and concluded your position is better supported. It is responsive to new information - if evidence changes, the position can change. Stubborn resistance in the problematic sense is not responsive to information because the position is held for emotional or identity reasons rather than analytical ones. The person who is holding on because changing would feel like losing is stubborn in a way that principled resistance is not. In Big Five terms, conviction stubbornness (low Cooperation + high Intellect + high Achievement Striving) tends to produce principled resistance - well-reasoned positions held against social pressure, with genuine openness to better arguments. Emotional stubbornness (high Anger + low Trust + low Cooperation) tends to produce position-holding driven by the emotional cost of backing down, which is less responsive to logic and more likely to damage relationships.

how does stubbornness affect relationships?

The impact on relationships depends on which mechanism is operating. Conviction stubbornness affects relationships when the other person experiences your intellectual confidence as dismissiveness - you have thought this through, and their challenge feels less rigorous than your analysis. The relationship strain comes from them feeling unheard rather than from the stubbornness itself. Routine stubbornness affects relationships through predictability and inflexibility - partners or colleagues who want to try new things hit consistent resistance, which can feel like their preferences are less important than your comfort. Emotional stubbornness is the most relationship-damaging variant. When positions harden because changing feels like losing, conflicts become power struggles rather than collaborative problem-solving. The other person learns that logical arguments do not move you in conflict, which erodes trust in the relationship as a place where good reasoning matters. Understanding which type you have is the first step toward changing how it operates in your relationships.

can you be both stubborn and open-minded?

Yes, and this combination is actually more common than it sounds. Openness to Experience in the Big Five measures intellectual curiosity, aesthetic sensitivity, and comfort with abstract ideas - it does not directly measure willingness to change your position under social pressure. Someone can score high in Openness (genuinely curious, interested in new perspectives, willing to consider unconventional ideas) and simultaneously score low in Cooperation (resistant to social pressure, unlikely to defer simply because someone disagrees). This combination produces someone who actively seeks out new information and ideas but does not change their positions based on who is pushing rather than what the evidence shows. They are open to being persuaded by better reasoning and genuinely closed to being pressured by social dynamics. From the outside this can look like stubbornness because the visible behavior is resisting others. From the inside it is a principled distinction between good arguments and social coercion.

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Why Am I So Stubborn?

August 5, 2026

Why Am I So Stubborn?

People who call you stubborn rarely mean it as a compliment. But the trait they are labeling covers at least four completely different personality mechanisms, and some of them are among the most valuable traits a person can have.

The Big Five does not have a "stubbornness" facet. That is because stubbornness is not a single trait. It is a behavioral outcome produced by different trait combinations, and each combination creates a different kind of resistance to change.

Understanding which kind of stubborn you are is the difference between fighting a flaw and leveraging a strength.

The Four Types of Stubbornness

Type 1: Conviction Stubbornness (Low A4 + High O5 + High C4)

Low Cooperation (A4) means you do not fold easily under social pressure. High Intellect (O5) means you have usually thought through your position in detail. High Achievement-Striving (C4) means you are committed to outcomes, not just to being right.

This combination produces the person who has considered the alternatives, chosen a position based on analysis, and refuses to abandon it because someone disagrees. They are not being difficult. They are being thorough.

From the outside, this looks like stubbornness. From the inside, it feels like integrity. The distinction matters because this type of resistance is often correct. The person who holds their position against group pressure and turns out to be right is celebrated as principled. The same person who turns out to be wrong is called stubborn.

The risk: sometimes the analysis is wrong, and high confidence makes it harder to see. The strength: this person does not get swept along by bad consensus.

Type 2: Routine Stubbornness (Low O4 + High C2)

Low Adventurousness (O4) means you prefer the familiar. High Orderliness (C2) means you have systems and you like them. This combination produces resistance to change not because the new way is wrong but because the current way works and disruption is uncomfortable.

This is the person who resists the new software, the new process, the new restaurant. Not because they have evaluated the alternative and rejected it, but because the familiar feels safer and change itself requires energy they would rather not spend.

The risk: missing improvements because the switching cost feels higher than it actually is. The strength: stability. This person does not chase every new trend. They refine systems over time, and their consistency often produces better long-term results than constant pivoting.

Type 3: Emotional Stubbornness (High N2 + Low A4 + Low A1)

High Anger/Hostility (N2) means frustration arrives fast and hot. Low Cooperation (A4) means you do not back down from conflict. Low Trust (A1) means you suspect the other person's motives.

This combination produces stubbornness that is reactive rather than principled. The position hardens not because it is correct but because changing it would feel like losing. The emotional investment in being right becomes more important than actually being right.

From the outside, this looks identical to Type 1. From the inside, it feels completely different. Type 1 is calm. Type 3 is heated. Type 1 can explain their reasoning in detail. Type 3 gets louder when challenged.

The risk: burning relationships and missing good ideas because they came from someone who triggered a defensive reaction. The strength: when the anger is justified, this person fights battles that more agreeable people avoid.

Type 4: Autonomy Stubbornness (High E3 + Low A4 + Low O6)

High Assertiveness (E3) means you prefer to direct rather than follow. Low Cooperation (A4) means you resist external pressure. Low Liberalism (O6) means you question new ideas and value established approaches.

This combination produces the person who resists being told what to do. The content of the instruction almost does not matter. The resistance is to the act of being instructed. Suggest the same idea as a question rather than a directive, and this person may adopt it enthusiastically.

This is not about being contrary for its own sake. It is about autonomy. This person needs to feel that their choices are their own, not imposed from outside. When they adopt an idea, they need it to feel like a decision, not compliance.

The risk: rejecting good advice because of how it was delivered. The strength: independence. This person is not easily manipulated, pressured, or led astray by authority figures.

The Stubborn Advantage

Studies consistently show that moderate stubbornness, particularly the conviction and autonomy types, predicts better outcomes in several areas:

Negotiation. People who do not fold under pressure get better deals. Low Cooperation in negotiation contexts is not a flaw. It is a strategy.

Leadership. Leaders who hold unpopular positions when they believe they are correct outperform leaders who chase consensus. This requires Type 1 stubbornness: evidence-based resistance to social pressure.

Long-term goals. People who resist distractions and stay committed to a plan, even when the plan is boring or difficult, achieve more than those who pivot at every obstacle. This is the overlap between stubbornness and Self-Discipline (C5).

Creative work. Original ideas are, by definition, ideas that diverge from what others expect. Creating something genuinely new requires the willingness to persist with an idea that others do not understand or support. Almost every significant creative breakthrough involved someone being stubborn about a vision.

When Stubbornness Becomes a Problem

Stubbornness crosses from strength to liability in one specific situation: when you cannot tell the difference between "I have good reasons to hold this position" and "I am holding this position because changing it would feel bad."

Type 1 and Type 3 look the same from the outside. The internal experience is completely different. If you can articulate your reasons calmly and would genuinely change your mind given new evidence, you are being principled. If your heart rate is elevated, your voice is getting louder, and you cannot imagine any evidence that would change your mind, you have crossed into emotional territory.

Identify Your Stubbornness Pattern

Our free Big Five personality assessment measures all the traits that contribute to different types of stubbornness: Cooperation, Intellect, Adventurousness, Orderliness, Assertiveness, Anger, and Trust. It takes about 15 minutes and shows you exactly which combination drives your particular brand of resistance, so you can tell the difference between your strength and your blind spot.

Why Am I So Stubborn?

Why Am I So Stubborn?

The Four Types of Stubbornness

Type 1: Conviction Stubbornness (Low A4 + High O5 + High C4)

Type 2: Routine Stubbornness (Low O4 + High C2)

Type 3: Emotional Stubbornness (High N2 + Low A4 + Low A1)

Type 4: Autonomy Stubbornness (High E3 + Low A4 + Low O6)

The Stubborn Advantage

When Stubbornness Becomes a Problem

Identify Your Stubbornness Pattern

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